Did you have a close relationship with a family doctor before this incident? No

Do you have one now? No ,i dont have a close relationship with a family doctor , but i will only see one doctor , who is two hours away from where i live. When i was in a car crash , three years ago , i was taken to the adult section , which is connected to the same kids hospital my daughter was in. The wife of my arresting officer , who i had the affair with , worked there. But she was not the reason for why i left the hospital over medicated , and on oversized unajustable crutches with a broken face and leg. There was no way i was letting them put me under a general.. So i went to a different hospital , after taking two days to pick one i trusted. BTW My police file is colored red , with a caution for officers to only approach me in a proffessional manor , ethical to their duty , as i have been noted to take offence to people abusing their positions of authority. btw my daughter had Asplastic Anemia http://www.marrow.org/PATIENT/Undrstnd_Disease_Treat/Lrn_about_Disease/Aplastic_Anemia/index.html dont really want to talk any more on this anymore. Im still on the mend.So forgive me if i dont reply further.:) as It does make me angry ,that im still ,bitterly hurting.One thing i want people to realize is that while i freaked the hospital staff out for their negligence , with my emotional outrage , I made friends with children and parents of children and also even staff at the hospital. People from every race . Amongst all this aggression , there was still love and care from complete strangers. One thing that made me ashamed of not coping , seeing not only my daughter , but all these other kiddies , suffering , yet stronger than me. One little boy , his entire little body covered in plaster , tubes draining in and out of him , seen me crying ,tho his mouth was barely visible , he smiled , with his eyes , and i knew then , i was a coward.

Oh boy, I did have an affair with my arresting officer, a week after they charged me.He is the one that gave me the idea to watch my back from the system (despite what i already knew about its corrupt violence.),also my anger management conselor , that they forced me to see ,at their hospital , secretly assisted in me not playing into their hands. Another nurse , whose heart was there , got a transfer , before they could penalize her for caring for my plight. I am taking what measures i can to fix things a different way now. Thats why i want to do nursing.(Also private investigations are my trusted sources.) I will jump their fences , get my foot through their door and fuck them from the inside out. Of course , i will be doing it in a gentle silent fashion this time ,no kicking and cussing or screaming, So there is good chances i will succeed this time , in revealing the truth.

No ...............................looking at my various experiences and beyond my own experiences............................................................. i dont believe so. Sorry. Hey i think you know im not going to shush there. :) Aggressive love making is a vey nice example. And i have seen aggressive end of year sales ,funnilly there are some rather violent shoppers. But more seriously , when i swore at my daughter i was passionately aggressive at my Daughter , but i was not violent. When i was at the hospital , i was not violent at doctors , nurses , staff, etc , I was agressively hurting and very hostile but not violent. The day , i was asked to leave the hospital , i was in a real state. My daughter was at this point in isolation . I had to wear a mask and was not allowed to kiss her.I had at this point already been cautioned about my aggressive emotional outbursts.Then right in my face , this doctor from her team of doctors did the eskimo kiss, rubbing her nose on my daughters nose. My daughter had no immune system and they were telling me not to kiss her , not to come near her without a mask. I had been put on my first warning the week before , so i told them i had had enough , i was reporting them.And of course , when they caught me talking to media they got nastier. They reported me. I was in a state. They have the letterheads ,they have your signature , AND THEY HAVE THE AUTHORITY so they have your life in their hands.What can you do? So on this day i cooperated to leave. But they got security of the hospital to escort me. I asked to see my daughter . At the time she had a central line, with both lumens attached to blood supply. I hugged her AND GAVE HER A KISS and said "i love you , mummy go now ,love you baby." She had barely got to say "love you mummy" when the security guard yanked me from her. I dont know if it was him grabbing her mum like that or if he had snagged her central line , but her little face just broke and burst into tears. I kicked him. LOL He kicked me back. so i kicked him again. They had no reason to be violently aggressive. I had been willing to co-operate.

"I feel I should apologize, though I know not why. I did not harm you." ....... huh , no no, you didnt do anything to me :) As for the rest of your post i think the same things. But i dont completely feel its because of foolishess , i think most times people are just scared. To fix an entire world , thats a big battle.

Violence is never justified.......................ONLY...........................because violence shouldnt ever happen in the first place. ...A really pathetic example would be --It triggers stupid tit for tat like the ongoing shitslinging matches that go on between myself and kinda.......However i feel i am justified retaliating verbviolently to some of his posts.:)

A combination of uncommon viewpoints and this blessed curse of my ability to freely blurt out what is on my mind , has on numerous occasions , been the trigger towards some of those hostile or violent situations ive found myself in. :)

I am still a violently hostile person , though these days i tend to apply it only where or when i feel is neccesary . Wether it be verbal or physical violence , I have more contol over my mental reflexes , as wether to attack or relax. Nothing has made me angrier in life then when my daughter was facing death ,First hospital , straight up accused me of assaulting my daughter (overnight she went from a healthy baby girl to what look like a human football black and blue)Then after convincing them to do tests they misdiagnose her situation and send us too an equally un equipped hospital and then so we took her to a well respected hospital . There they exposed her to so much malpractise causing exposure to risks .I screamed she had no immune system ,they told me to shush , they put her in a general ward telling me im just an over-emotional mother not the doctor. Four days later they told me i was right and the first hospital had misdiagnosed her illness and now after being exposed to the general ward her condition had deteriated. I was wrecked , my other three kids barely got colds and this , this fucked hell beyond hell hit overnight while we were sleeping. I kept losing it more and more over their negligences They had me removed , charged , i got a suspended jail sentence , and i was limited , from being glued to her side , to 2 hours access a day ,and anger managent in their kids (?) hospital as they were worried about my aggression in front of the kids .even though my agression was not at children. .They hounded me with a social worker who wanted to know all the details of my first childs dead father , my other "problems" etc. Fucking idiots ! For the first time in my life i had finally stopped dwelling on the shitty things from the past , i had the biggest , hardest , nastiest battle id ever had to face right there in front of me and here they were , after 30 years of not giving a shit ,here they were wanting to fix all that other crap. This situation had made all my other experiences daydreams. Then they hounded me to have faith in and pray to god , and write in the hospital prayer book so the chaplain could pray for her. I had a nervous breakdown A councelor during my anger management sessions , once told me i had endured three persons life worth of a dose of shit . And that as a result , my instincts to danger were heightened , and that i was like a lion protecting my pride , always ready to pounce for threat of attack. They kept telling me to pray , eleven months later , after this I went into a church and spewed out my despise for all religions. I went to the alter and slammed my fists on it swearing and cursing all the different gods. Two preist ran for a door and slammed it shut , i kicked and screamed at the door , cursing them for their lack of faith. A dear little old lady tried to calm me and i felt bad because i was so bitter and angry and didnt want to take it out on her , so i left. I went to the kids hospital , into the cancer ward (where parents from all different religions were vigilantly praying for their dying children.) I went to my daughter and with just as much passion in my heart i screamed at her " Fuck you !, Your not allowed to die!" I WAS SHOCKED ! How could i speak to her like this ? The next day my daughter amazingly took a turn for the better , two weeks later she left the hospital and has never looked back. The day before she left , she had been previously schedualed to have an un-matched bone marrow transplant . The hospital said that the chances would be grim , but if she died it would be a mercy killing , so to speak , And of course that i should pray. Religion -It will always make me angry .There is so much more to this true story but it is past three in the morning . So i will leave it here for now.I admit , im a bit of a strange one , and i am only just beginning to work my self out ,and although bitterness , caused by deep painful scars ,still stifles me to a degree , i am a passionate and mostly a caring and compasionate person. zzzzzzzzzzzz:)

"even if that means lowering your own standards" - i simply mean -that personally i have done some rather horrible things in order to defend myself against violence , even getting in first with violence just to get my message accross that it is best not to fuck with me , can be a deterant from a threatening source of violence. I dont go out of my way to be a violent person , i am a happy happy joy joy person until some arsehole behaviour of some kind or another shits on my parade. I am also the sort of person who will go violently to save a person from unfair violence if i see it happening. I dont care if you are a stranger , if i saw you being attacked by thugs i would make a hostile defense for your safety. Not everyone is able to be aggressively violent in order to protect themselves , its just not in them , they may still have instincts , or flight or fight but do they have their brain in order or panic and lose it out of fear or do they try to get instantly physical as if they are in a playground brawl , or do they size up the situation , see what would best work to their advantage for ensuring their safety , and do what is abley neccesary. Sometimes trying to plead or fight is not the best solution. The thing that people often forget is that if someone is intent on hurting you , it is an insult and ought to be taken as such. I have been bashed to a pulp , raped and abused ,many times , but i will never be beaten ,unless i give up. Stooping below my preferred standards , (unfotunately too often) , is why i am alive today. I have had forgivness for most , not that they know it , but forgivness for them lets me avoid seccumbing to an irrepairable wreck hellbent on revenge. I have broken down many times because of violence , but then after time ( a long time ) i sucked it up , cracked the shits , and started sticking up for myself . And i have had less violence for it.

Fighting violence can only be done agressively , even if that means lowering your own standards , even if that means it is required to fight dirty , even if that means agressively taking no action.

Hi atypican , Hypocrite ? , i dont know. Thats not for me to say.I dont FEEL you are. Maybe im not hypocritical , maybe i just , am self-critical. I am only a little woman ,not very big , my strength is passion and will. Scared ,I use to put up with so much ,now i find violence offensive , which gives me more strength to deal with each individual situation if it arrises. Anyhow i wont ramble on , i wrote more up above. ps Thanks yourself. :)

It never is something i would like to have to do. Unfortunately i have had a lot of violence in my life , i have also unfortunately witnessed i lot of violence (but i am lucky , i was born and live in Australia), and i unfortunately have caused violence or been violent to various degrees. Sometimes , even worse than this , sometimes i have been violent with no real cause to be so . Sometimes , this has been in the heat of the moment , sometimes out of jealosy , and when i was younger , usually because i was feeling sorry for myself or was rebelling ; On those grounds , the after taste of that violence was of regret or shame. Sometimes i have been violent and thoroughly felt victorious and glorious for the outcome and Sometimes i feel bad inside for feeling those feelings over a violent situation , which i think could be a moral hint that violence is never justified . Sometimes i have just copped the violence because of being , either outnumbered or overpowered . In the case of outnumbered , i just approach each person individually later on , or if i have no choice to take flight , i give it all my best. In the case of overpowered , in one messed up point in my life , i relied upon some even nastier knights on shining armour , they were a little hard core and i regret ever having that gang in my life , talk about grossly violent , ( at one point i actually considered killing two of the people from this gang out of fear of them and their "ownership" on me )(this was a seperate incidence to that in my above post ) im just glad they are out of my life. Also another rival gang to this , i copped a flogging and a half , the guy tried three times to punch my nose through my brain , stuck a bottle in my leg after missing my you know what , he was taking these swings at me as i leant to pick up my bag , kept smacking me back to standing point , once knocking me on my arse. The other burly hard mugs watching couldnt believe i was still standing , between each hit i would say to him " name , dont hit me " , and each blow would get harder as he got angrier that i wouldnt go down. Then he said he was going to kill me , i just grabbed my bag , looked at him and said "on that note i will be leaving , i got 4 kids that want to see me tomorrow." then i legged it out of there. And left them all , these big hard arse mongrels , standing there dumbfounded. Later i bumped into one of there guys and was invited back for an apology ...no doubt i declined. Once i was in a violent relationship , three weeks into moving to a remote town , my then partner got drunk and after watching "once were warriors" forgot he was halfcast kiwi and decided to do the haka on my head. He had me pinned down , sitting on my chest with his knees pinning my arms he just kept hitting and hitting and smashing my head into the slate floor. I just told him to kill me... he stopped long enough for me to escape him , i ran thru bush to the neighbours , who called police . But i had to go back because my kids were there. The police still hadnt arrived , as i was just getting to the kids room he jumped out and kidney punched me , but despite the 30 odd now welts to my face and head and that i was dropped like a bag of shit , i saw my then two young sons and suddenly this surge of agression gave me enough strength to push him backwards from the room and shut the door , barricade it , throw the pram out the window , grab the boys , and hightail it . the cops finally showed 40 minutes later. I still have this gross aftertaste at the thought that i at one point gave up and told him to kill me. That feeling is more gross than the aftertaste of the violence ive caused and regretted. You know i have just realised that i have far too many accounts of violence to recall , if i dont stop writing now then the page will run out. I just want people to be nice , OR ELSE. I dont need pity for any of my experiences , they have all been learning ones , regardless of being bad or good experiences . Here is a funny violence in my life , just to end this post ,on lighter notes. My grandfather use to get all his grandkids in a broken circle ,each end would hold a wire on this little black box contraption that he made. We would wait eagerly as he wound up its handle , then he would let it go and a bell would ring and the handle would unwind and an electrical current would shoot round the circle through the lot of us. Sounds nasty...but we would always go back for more.

I also posted this exact post in another debate on murder being justified.

I AM A HYPOCRIT - I dont know but last night as i sat looking over my sleeping babes , this debate popped back into my head. Can murder /violence ever be justified? Honestly , i sound like a hypocrit. I cannot , under any circumstances , settle on the idea , that it cant be. I dont know if it is because i had a hard hit to the head but i remembered , last night something i did back in 1993. I was young and immature and I got involved in an break and enter. It was a stupid thing i did . My accomplices , afterwoods went to mug a passerby. I didnt even mug people in the 6 years i had spent on the streets so at this point i chose to leave and go home. A short time later they returned to tell me that they had stabbed this person in the neck with a antique clokepin that had belonged to me and that they had left it in his neck with my prints on it. My head immediatley started to race with ideas of going to jail for a murder i didnt commit. Two days later i went to the police and reported myself as being involved in the recent break in and then i also reported to them what i knew of the mugging and of what the other two people had said to me about setting me up. The police had no reports of the attack on a man being stabbed , however he had been mugged..Ultimately the two who had mugged him had brought themselves undone , by making me think they had set me up for a murder i didnt commit..........i was labbled a dog and recieved death threats.....i moved away...Two years later an ex came to say some people who were looking for me had smashed his car up...of course it was one of these two previous mentioned accomplices and her rather large heavies still hellbent with threats of revenge.I contacted the police and asked for a detective who had dealt with the case at the time to come see me. I then wrote a statement stating that this person and her heavies were still after me with the intention of seriously harming or killing me. I was a single mum on my own with a small child. I stated that unlike them i had moved on , however if they did happen to find me then i would do whatever it took to protect myself and my child , even if that resulted in the death of the other person. Anyhow i dont know how i forgot about this(maybe the windscreen) but last night as i looked in on my children , i remembered it all. And thought about this debate again..and thought hypocritically as much as i hate it , i did pre-justify the posibility of my possible violent actions of violence to this woman and her heavies possible violent actions , Legally. And I am glad to say that as 2009 comes to a close, i heard nothing more from this girl , not since i made the statement to police covering my butt against any possible charges of MURDER in defence to hers . But i guess justified or not , i would still fight to the death for my children, And revenge , in regards to anyone harming my children , will always come as a passionate reflex response. Maybe if people started having enough balls to stand up to arseholes , then we would have less arsehole behaviour in society for a start. And if youve misunderstood my basic simple talk , then maybe thats tough , As i feel all this intellectually intelligent diologue is violently pompous .